Hello again,
Shambles Miller here, your host for the week. Today I want to talk to you about a TV show I'm a big fan of called
Inside the Actors Studio. If you've never seen it, it's a show where boot-polish haired, warmly staccato-voiced James Lipton asks successful actors a series of questions, sometimes with such a depth of knowledge that the guests are quite surprised. "How did you know I wished for a bike when I was five", or "who told you about that time I had a hamster up my bum", they'll say. Obviously I haven't done anything like that level of research for this (or anything, ever), but every episode ends with the same ten questions. It's based on the
Proust Questionnaire and I decided to ask it to some musical friends. Let's get a little insight into the hearts and minds of Scotland's bands and artists.
Julia Doogan (Julia and the Doogans)
What is your favourite word?
My favourite word is "hilarious".
What is your least favourite word?
My least favourite word is "nice". I also don't like the word pussy but that's too rude to put in isn't it?
(Nope! - SM)
What turns you on?
Disco music.
What turns you off?
Nu metal.
What sound or noise do you love?
I really love my mums laugh.
What sound or noise do you hate?
When people can whistle but it's completely out of tune. Drives me insane.
What is your favourite curse word?
Cunt. I rarely say it but find it hilarious (fave word) that people can be so offended by a word.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
An extra on Casualty.
 |
| "Yeah, I just...I just have no idea what I'm doing." |
What profession would you not like to do?
An extra on Holby City.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"You had a good run. Well done hen."
Julia and her Doogans can be found here and here.
Kyle Wood (Lovers Turn to Monsters)
What is your favourite word?
Artefact. Maybe...
What is your least favourite word?
I hate crude Scottish colloquialisms. So much I won't even say them!
What turns you on?
Female rappers.
 |
| The stuff Kyle's dreams are made of. |
What turns you off?
Vanity I guess. People who worry too much about what others think.
What sound or noise do you love?
Clichéd, but can't beat rain fae yer bed.
What sound or noise do you hate?
I work in a bakery and my oven makes this horrific alarm noise when it finishes.
What is your favourite curse word?
Can't beat the F-word or a slow dragged out basturt!
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I guess I'm far from being a 'professional' musician so that'd be nice. Something art related anyway.
What profession would you not like to do?
...
(Kyle couldn't think of a profession he really wouldn't like to do. Which is how he got his new post as my personal butler. I make him wear a wee hat. - SM)
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"No bad son".
Squirrel (This Silent Forest)
What is your favourite word?
Ephemeral or haberdashery.
What is your least favourite word?
Process.
What turns you on?
Generally most attractive girls between the age of 18 and 30.
What turns you off?
Smells.
What sound or noise do you love?
The old noise of a modem.
What sound or noise do you hate?
The iPhone standard alarm.
What is your favourite curse word?
Cunt.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I've had many but I would like to work for a think tank coming up with ideas or creating scenarios to test national security.
 |
"Right, what if we just put all the baddies over here next
to Steve's house? Steve's a dick anyway." |
What profession would you not like to do?
Telecoms project management.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Yeah".
James Mackenzie (Love Civilian)
What is your favourite word?
Plethora is my favourite word. Don't ask me why.
What is your least favourite word?
My least favourite word is when people say STATUS the American way, like lattice.
What turns you on?
Wet hair turns me on.
What turns you off?
Eggy farts and spots turn me off.
What sound or noise do you love?
I love the sound of windy nights as I lie in bed.
(Not THAT kind of wind, obviously. Parp. - SM)
What sound or noise do you hate?
I hate the sound of people blowing raspberries.
What is your favourite curse word?
Cunt.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I'd like to try out to be a footballer, or some kind of sportsman.
What profession would you not like to do?
I'd hate to be a doorman.
 |
I don't know man, I can't think of many jobs where you
get to dress like some sort of extravagant circus pimp. |
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
I'd like God to say, "Whattup bro, I got your album playing in the waiting room. It's goooooooddd shiiit".
Finn LeMarinel
What is your favorite word?
Dinosaur.
What is your least favorite word?
Shampoo.
What turns you on?
Dinosaurs.
 |
| It's not known if Finn is the author of this book. |
What turns you off?
A lack of dinosaurs.
What sound or noise do you love?
A car indicator.
What sound or noise do you hate?
The iPhone alarm tone.
What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Astronaut.
What profession would you not like to do?
Police man.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Hallo!
Wullie "Mammoth" Swales (Wullie Mammoth, Where We Lay Our Heads, Algernon Doll)
What is your favorite word?
The first word that came to my head was pernickety.
What is your least favorite word?
I'm not sure but I'm not a huge fan of people who misuse the words “epic” and “random”...
(I see what you did there, and I approve. - SM)
What turns you on?
Not being afraid to be who you are. Not sure if that answer sounded a little bit too Jonas Brothers.
What turns you off?
Ego. Fake Tan.
 |
| Sorry Donald, he's just not that into you. |
What sound or noise do you love?
I love the sound clapping hands, genuine laughter, the sound of a beer bottle being opened and that sound the microwave makes when it's reheated some delicious chilli.
What sound or noise do you hate?
The sound of metal being scraped, like a knife off a plate, or stick drags across cymbals maks me feel physically sick.
What is your favorite curse word?
I'm a man of simple tastes, gotta go with Fuck or Fuckwit.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I've thought about this before and it's tricky but maybe something like board game designer, script writer, primary school teacher or some kind of dancer....maybe Salsa or Swing.
What profession would you not like to do?
I once spent three days working a festival where my role was making sure people didn't piss on a wall, so not that again.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
”I can't believe you managed to save that girl and her army of puppies from those evil ninjas while the entire building was burning down, defeated the evil lord Chtulhu with nothing but a spork and stopped the zombie apocalypse yet died falling out of the shower. You'll be in need of a pint”.
Boab Canavan (Campfires in Winter)
What is your favorite word?
Callipygous.
What is your least favorite word?
Test. No idea why.
What turns you on?
I wouldn't say it turns me on exactly but a heartbeat is an absolute must.
What turns you off?
Bad teeth. Pretty standard answer that but it's true.
 |
| What about NO teeth? |
What sound or noise do you love?
Ice crackling in a drink.
What sound or noise do you hate?
That wee squeaky noise you hear in your head when you chew on the sleeve of a woollen jumper.
(Aaaaaaggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. - SM)
What is your favorite curse word?
Bastart. Always with a 't' at the end.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Mixing engineer/producer.
What profession would you not like to do?
Septic tank cleaner.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Sorry pal, not tonight. Away back and have another couple of years. And do it right this time."
So what have we learned here today? Musicians like to swear, have a good taste in interesting words, like being in their beds when there's weather outside, hate iPhone alarms, have lofty ideas about God's personal opinions, and look damn good in black and white. But what would Proust say? I don't know, probably something like "you're using my questionnaire for
what?"
I'll be back with another post tomorrow. In the meantime, you can catch up with me on
Twitter or
Facebook. For now, I leave you with Will Ferrell's take on
Inside the Actors Studio and the great James Lipton.
