Niall has a wee band crush on Makthaverskan from Sweden. In his efforts to seduce his Swedish muses he has written them a delightfully forward love letter. We all hope Niall finally finds true love this time. How could they possibly resist?
Dear Maja, Irma, Andreas, Gustav and Hugo,
Låt oss gifta!
My name is Niall. And I want to marry you. All of you. My flat only has one bedroom but I feel when you move in with me it will be a great way to get to know each other. We can all sleep on my foldout sofa bed. We could be a giant cutlery drawer except only containing spoons! I know Sweden can get very cold so I have already installed a snow machine in my bed to make sure you don’t get homesick. You may, however, simply get sick as it’s very difficult to sleep in snow without getting a cold. I also have a garden which is great for frolicking in where we could sit and chat and then when we're bored of talking we could also drink lots of Schnapps and just gaze into each other's eyes.
When I heard you had a song called ANTABUS I, of course, had visions of a traditional Swedish pop song about public transport for ants. And in my head forever it will be about those strong, strong insects of love. I dream about them when I’m ASLEEP. When you sleep is it me your dreaming of? Or at the very least having nightmares about? If you were to refuse my offer of marriage I would feel like I was SLOWLY SINKING. With me it’s never too much to ask for SOMETHING MORE. I don’t where you guys are tonight but I’d love you to move into my flat. You will always OUTSHINE me, you can always talk to me when your heart is broken. We could go percussion crazy and live in DRÖMLAND. Feel free to show me NO MERCY [as a brief serious aside, ‘Fuck you for fucking me when I was 17’. What lyrics!!!]. I’ll travel any DISTANCE or at least get public transport to a reasonably close airport to pick you up and move you into my cosy den of debauchery. Sorry if I’ve been too VOLGA.
We could grab Fika on the weekend. Talk about how dreamy Henrik Larsson is. You could teach me naughty Swedish words and I could put the immersion on so we could shower together keeping us all both clean and dirty at the same time. I could teach you how to juggle and you could teach me how to love.
på fullt allvar att du är alla fantastiska och jag älskar er alla,
Lots of love,
Niall
xxx
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| Look at what you're missing Makthaverskan! |
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