The Final Spook School Takeover Day 6: Nye, Testosterone and the Future

It's our final day taking over Scottish Fiction.  A big thank you to Neil for putting up with us and for asking us in the first place.  For our last post, before the blog can finally resume normal service, Nye has written about starting testosterone treatment.  We're super excited for Nye and super excited for the future.  We hope you're super excited too!

Lots of love,

The Spook School

xxx

One Big Spooky Family

Hello,

I'm not going to lie and say that it's always been my dream to be in a band.  That wouldn't be true.  Being in a band was never even plausible enough to be a dream when I was a teenager.  That was for sexy magical demi-gods like Marc Bolan and David Bowie.  Not for anyone like me.  But hey, here I am.  And over the years this has become my dream.  Being in The Spook School is genuinely the best part of my life.  The thing that I'm most proud of.  The place where I feel that I can put all of my energy and emotions into the care of these three other brilliant people and we can create songs that maybe might just mean something.

It's not always been my dream to be transgender either.  Got to admit, when I figured out that it explained all the feelings that had been milling around for years and years (sometimes surfacing through songs), I wasn't too happy about it.  And when The Spook School started up, and I initially seemed to be 'the singer', I was terrified that this fantastic new thing in my life was dependent on me keeping as I was.  Keeping me tied to a voice, an identity that I couldn't connect with.  But that's the wrong way to look at it.  If I wasn't transgender, I would never have written 80% of the songs I have (even my strange obsession with Buster Keaton has a lot to do with being trans, but that's a story for another day).  And they're my contribution to the band.  They are what I bring to the whole affair.  And they're what I'm proud of.

If I wasn't trans, if I was able to recognise myself as the binary gender that was assigned to me at birth, I'd never have heard a crowd of lovely, brilliant people yelling 'I am bigger than a hexadecimal' back at me at the top of their lungs.  If I wasn't trans, I might have been in a band, it might even have been called The Spook School, but it wouldn't have been the same.  I wouldn't be the same.  I have no idea if I'd even like the person that I would have been had I been born a cis male (FYI: cis = not trans).

So yeah, I suppose this is a long winded way of saying that I started testosterone a week ago.  It’s my long-winded way of saying that I’m a bit worried about losing my voice, but more excited about being recognised as myself.  This is a long winded way of saying that I love this band, and I think that I'll only continue to be more proud of what we manage to accomplish.

I’m super excited about what the next months, and years, have in store for me, and optimistic in a way I’ve never really been before.  I have dreams of listening to our next album and going “Hey, that’s me!” rather than “Who’s that girl singing all my lyrics?” - and that will be the happiest day.  Also, dreams about the day when I can cover all the Lou Reed songs.  Because obviously that’s the most important thing.

Lots of love (especially to the queer kids)

Nye x 

PS - Because I’m a nerd and want to see how my singing voice changes, I’ve been singing a song a day since I started T.  If you’d like to see them, go here: https://www.youtube.com/user/heynyestunes, or heynyestunes.tumblr.com

The Spook School Takeover! - Day 5: Scottish Band Names. The Truth

It’s Day 5 of The Spook School Takeover and it’s time to learn a little bit more about how some bands we like in Scotland decided to name themselves.  It is important to note that Scotland’s only Independent-Muso-Historiographer-In-Chief Niall McCamley can only tell the truth.  We certainly trust him and you should too.

Withered Hand: The musical project of the man previously known as Dannnnnnnnn Willllllson.  After trying and failing to buy a name badge that would fit over a single breast Dannnnnnn hired a management consultancy company who brainstormed a number of names.  The winning title, Withered Hand, came about when the company’s stenographer lost a hand after being forced to write out Dannnnnnnnnn Willllllllson too many times.  His personal name was also changed by deed poll to protect stenographers everywhere to Dan Willson.  Many people in the stenographer community still maintain this name is still too long but Dan has decided to cease using their services and instead uses his memory to remember things now.

Why is my name so looooong!!?!?

Honeyblood: After developing a taste for sweet nectar straight from the plant this Scottish duo sought to eliminate any competition.  As such they actually devour bees that encroach on their turf.  They have actually eaten so many bees rumour has it that their blood has turned into honey.  Known to the local police as Stina ‘Sting Ya and Eat Ya’ Blood and Shona ‘Honey I Blew Up a Colony of Bee’s’ Blood it appears their reign of honey related terror will be never ending.

The Honeyblood Mausoleum

Randolph’s Leap: The band’s name was originally the title of a concept album.  It was to be about a little known Scottish triple jumper called Randolph MacLeod and his tragic final jump at the Olympic Qualifiers where he managed to come joint last with Eric the Eel.  The level of tragedy was increased however when it was realised that Eric the Eel was in fact an eel and not the heartwarming amateur swimming athlete of the same name.  Randolf then jumped on the eel leading to the International Olympic Community to decree the day Eel Day, the colloquial equivalent in Leith is The Day of Randolph’s Leap Where He Killed That Poor Eel.  What a dick.

Adam Ross

Kid Canaveral: Their first choice name was actually Jodie’s Kidd’s Carnival but this idea was scuppered when discovered it had already been taken by a show on ITV2 +1.  It was never actually broadcast on ITV2, just ITV2+1 in order to give the impression that they had a full and varied schedule but in doing so made the +1 element redundant and a lie.  In the end the name they went for came from the band’s secret desire to send a baby goat into space.  They still harbour this dream and every year petition NASA to open their programme to goats.  They also throw goats in the air after they drink too much Buckfast.

The Kid Canaveral Dream

Tuff Love: They were originally called Ruff Love in homage to their love of dogs.  There is in fact bootleg footage of the band trying to enter Johnny ‘Pictish Trail, Mr Lost Map’ Lynch’s beard into Scottish Crufts.  The video shows the trio being thwarted in the final round when Mr Lynch’s beard shat itself in front of the judges.  If you watch the video below you will see the King of the Lost Map Empire's beard complete lose itself.  Poooooooooo. 

Belle and Sebastian: Their first name was the ultra cool Belle and the Sebastians, inspired by the famous Scottish love story about a crate of Jamaican lobsters and a French door ringer.  Unfortunately focus groups didn’t like the lobster heavy references and Stuart Murdoch was forced to plump for a French book instead.

Stuart Murdoch

The Pastels: Originally The Fruit Pastels but they were quickly sued.  They tried a lot of names including Opal Fruits, Starburst, Pastel Parcel, Pastel/Future Heaven (PAST HELL FUTURE HEAVEN hahahahaha!).  They are now happily called The Pastels and unhappily mocked by fruit flavoured sweets bearing their old names.

The Pastel's first ever publicity shot

Glasvegas: They worship a glass sculpture of Johnny Vegas.  That is all.

The Spook School Takeover! - Day 4: JUMP, JUMP, JUMP

It's Day 4 of this travesty of a takeover from us, The Spook School. Neil is beginning to struggle in the basement, he's currently composing emails to S Club 8 to invite them in for an acoustic session. Last night I heard him shout, "they're the new Frightened Rabbit!"

The world has long wondered...who is that jumping with a guitar over there? The answer, of course, is Adam 'The Body' Toddy. He has travelled the world (as far as Leith say the legends) leaping, apparently aimlessly, whilst throttling an electronic guitar instrument. He has found himself often used as a political football (it's slightly bigger than a regulation football so it shows up better at photo-shoots). David 'Just call me Dave' Cameron once remarked 'Jumping is for losers'. The Liberal Democrats asked him to replace Nick 'I Promise I'll Jump, No Wait, I Can't Jump' Clegg. And the Labour Party offered him an owl.

We caught up with him at you, the Internet's, behest. We grabbed him, tied him to a chair and said, 'stop jumping for five seconds and let us ask you some questions' and 'can you cook us some vegan curry?' and ''what do you mean you can't cook tied to a chair?'

How tall are you? Round about the same height as the average Argentinian female.

He went and jumped his shoes right off!

How tall are you when you jump? Round about the same height as the average Argentinian male.

Adam jumping at the bright lights.

How many times have you jumped in your career? Six-hundred and sixty five. On my next jump the devil will be summoned and I will harness the power of all evil.

Adam jumping in what appears to be a cinema

Do you remember your first jump? No. That's a silly question. Nobody remembers their first jump.

From Adam's first jump.  You can tell it was a long time ago because it's black and white.

What do your jumps stand for politically? My jumps don't stand. They jump. They jump for the release of Pussy Riot (I know that's already happened but they just can't stop).

F**k you gravity!!!

What do your jumps stand for musically? Shambollic non-musicianship. 

I've jumped my guitar into my face!

What do your jumps stand for economically? 100% tax for the super-wealthy and anyone who has ever thought "Oh, that David Cameron has a pretty face." Even just for one nano-second. Tax them all.

Perfection.  Simply perfection.

Is it true you can't hold a guitar if you are seated? Yes. I'm allergic.

Adam practicing his jumping face

What does the future hold for our dear, dear Adam? Is it yet more jumping? A medical diagnosis of jumpaphilia? A prime-time Channel 5 Special called "The Guitarist Who Jump-Started A Revolution...And Then His Face Exploded!!!"? We can only pray... and think rationally, scientifically and logically. Is there a moral to Adam's story I hear you ask? Not really, no. But if I had to come up with one I would say the moral was, 'use jumpers for goalposts, use jump leads for dead car batteries and never watch 22 Jump Street. It's not really about jumping and it's adverts are misleading.'

Adam 'The Body' Toddy was talking exclusively to hard-hitting journalist and drummer (HAHAHAHAHA I wish I could make sweet, sweet love to the clever person who came up with that!) Niall 'Hot Knees' McCamley. They are currently planning to visit local schools to highlight the pros and cons of jumping in public. Their talk is called "The Boy Who Jumped At The Sun And Got Mild Sunburn As A Result. An Entertaining Audio-Visual Warning About Jumping in Public".

The Spook School Takeover! - Day 3 - Makthaverskan!

Welcome to day 2 of The Spook School's Scottish Fiction Takeover! 

Niall has a wee band crush on Makthaverskan from Sweden.  In his efforts to seduce his Swedish muses he has written them a delightfully forward love letter.  We all hope Niall finally finds true love this time.  How could they possibly resist?

Dear Maja, Irma, Andreas, Gustav and Hugo,

Låt oss gifta!

My name is Niall.  And I want to marry you.  All of you.  My flat only has one bedroom but I feel when you move in with me it will be a great way to get to know each other.  We can all sleep on my foldout sofa bed.  We could be a giant cutlery drawer except only containing spoons!  I know Sweden can get very cold so I have already installed a snow machine in my bed to make sure you don’t get homesick.  You may, however, simply get sick as it’s very difficult to sleep in snow without getting a cold.  I also have a garden which is great for frolicking in where we could sit and chat and then when we're bored of talking we could also drink lots of Schnapps and just gaze into each other's eyes.

When I heard you had a song called ANTABUS I, of course, had visions of a traditional Swedish pop song about public transport for ants.  And in my head forever it will be about those strong, strong insects of love.  I dream about them when I’m ASLEEP.  When you sleep is it me your dreaming of?  Or at the very least having nightmares about?  If you were to refuse my offer of marriage I would feel like I was SLOWLY SINKING.  With me it’s never too much to ask for SOMETHING MORE.  I don’t where you guys are tonight but I’d love you to move into my flat.  You will always OUTSHINE me, you can always talk to me when your heart is broken.  We could go percussion crazy and live in DRÖMLAND.  Feel free to show me NO MERCY [as a brief serious aside, ‘Fuck you for fucking me when I was 17’. What lyrics!!!].  I’ll travel any DISTANCE or at least get public transport to a reasonably close airport to pick you up and move you into my cosy den of debauchery.  Sorry if I’ve been too VOLGA.   

We could grab Fika on the weekend.  Talk about how dreamy Henrik Larsson is.  You could teach me naughty Swedish words and I could put the immersion on so we could shower together keeping us all both clean and dirty at the same time.  I could teach you how to juggle and you could teach me how to love.

på fullt allvar att du är alla fantastiska och jag älskar er alla,

Lots of love,
Niall
xxx

Look at what you're missing Makthaverskan!

Tomorrow we have an interview with The Spook School's very own high jump champion Adam 'The Body' Toddy.  Unmissable for fans of leaping and pouncing!

The Spook School Takeover! - Day 2

Welcome to day 2 of The Spook School's Scottish Fiction Takeover! 

Baltimore will always hold the romance of night swimming.  Not the romance conveyed by Michael Stipes, oh no, this is the more realistic romance of hangovers and hypothermia.  Holding on to the romance that is the seductively illicit feel of slipping silently (very loudly in hindsight, but we had been drinking to be fair) through a fence to sneak into an outdoor pool, the feel of icy cold water ripping away the groggy veil of ‘Natty Bo’s’ induced inebriation to reveal a nude sobriety in the early hours.  Memories of Adam walking barefoot through a debris strewn side street before being impaled on some American splintered sliver. Knowing as Adam limped towards JFK airport that he would always have a little piece of America with him (unless he visited a free medical professional on the NHS).

Official Natty Bo Spokesman

There are some many special and absurd memories of our American dalliance.  A brief highlight reel would have to include sharing Korean food and karaoke with the legends that are Expert Alterations.  Rocking out in a straight edge venue in Pittsburgh.  Standing next to the Rocky statue in Philadelphia whilst a man in a hat claimed he was Sylvester Stallone (he was just a man in a hat!).  Niall being offered free knee surgery for his ‘hot knee’ in New York. Singing along to Taylor Swift in the van.  Eating vegan Philly Cheese Steak.  Playing an awesome show that seemed to be run by a very confident 11 year-old in Philly.  International van quizzes between Heathers and the Spooks.  Being trounced at foosball (a lot).  Attempting to complete drunken jigsaws in Burlington.  Stage invasions and minor stage destruction at New York Popfest.  The complete absurdity that someone was letting The Spooks do any of this in America.  

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

What is a ruta-bagel?  I’m so glad you asked!  On arriving in America we swiftly learned that it was a world that is both similar yet different to our own.  The humble and beautiful turnip was not labelled as such.  In America they had the ‘rutabaga’.  Yes, I agree with you dear reader, it is a deliciously silly name and much fun to pronounce.  The classic American nursery rhyme ‘who left a rutabaga in my Winnebago?’ was a classic staple for the road trip.  In another coincidence we noticed the immense popularity of the Bagel in American culture (what we call in Europe a savoury donut).  It seemed only right that these two icons of Americana would come together to create something Uncle Sam could truly be proud of.  Step 1: Pick your turnip.  Step 2: Drill a hole through the middle.  Step 3: Claim to be the inventor of the ‘Ruta-Bagel’.  Fourth step, bask in the adoration of the public and wait for Wal-Mart to buy your idea.

Soooo expensive!

What can we expect tomorrow I hear you cry?!?!?!  Well, how about a love letter from Niall to one of our new favourite bands.  They are from Sweden and they make us cry with joy.  

The Spook School Takeover! Day 1

This is the voice of The Spook School!  Scottish Fiction you are our prisoner for the next week!

We always have an incredibly soft spot in our hearts for Neil and the blog. We even played one of our very first shows for him in Glasgow!

Looking like the children we truly are.

That’s why it’s all the more awkward that we tied him up in our Spooky HQ with nothing to do except re-watch Smash Hits interviews with S Club Juniors. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoZrnV4UunQ - (Damn, they actually made some really catchy tunes!)

For the next week we will be doing what we want on the blog.  Expect narcissism, self-portraits, self-interviews, selfies, self-flagellation, self-discovery and, most likely, self-destruction.

Let’s start as we mean to continue.  DOGGING.

We have recently returned from playing some shows in the United States of that there America.

New York Stage Invasion [Photo by SoundBitesNYC]

As with any foreign excursion there is always the risk of miscommunication.  For us this happened in Burlington, Vermont.  As Niall, our slightly debauched drummer, asked the audience if they wanted to go dogging with him in the ‘parking lot’ after the show (a perfectly reasonable request I'm sure you'll agree) he got a strange response.

"What’s dogging?"

"Yeah, what’s dogging? It sounds fun!"

After realising dogging is not a ‘thing’ in America he attempted to laugh off their questions and continue with the show.  However, when the next song ended he was again asked for more information about this fun sounding ‘dogging’ phenomenon.

We will spare you Niall’s incredibly graphic explanation but suffice to say it is a rare sight to see so many smiling American smiling faces slowly morph into visages of disgust.  In the aftermath a lone hand in the crowd is raised and moves forward to ask a question.

"And you’re telling us everyone in the UK goes dogging?"

There is now an American city out there who have an unshakable belief that after a hard day at work we all park up at Arthur's Seat for a good auld Scottish dogging session.  Oh what wonderful cultural ambassadors we are!

Tune in tomorrow for to learn about the invention of the Ruta-bagel, how we were offered free knee surgery, and trying to look sexy night swimming in Baltimore.

Also there will be less references to dogging...sorry.

Artist representation of the reaction post-learning about DOGGING

Lots of love!

Spooks

xxx